10 September 2013

Fin[n]ding love

its been 9-ish months since we arrived, roughly the same amount of time as we lived in france...

and im already as in love with this place as i was with france, but in a different way of course. with france everything was so new and scary and exciting and it was europe! oo la la. i loved the food, the culture, the everyday life patterns that were so different and yet so inviting. the language, the people, and the scenery all soaked in and left me a different person. when we left, i promptly forgot any of the struggles and pain of france and continued on with an all-enveloping afterglow which forever lifts my happy memories of the country up on an unrealistic pedestal. but when i think about it in times of honesty, it would have been tricky to have made a permanent life there. women in the workplace seemed like they had a bit of a hard time, as well as foreigners. and, to work in my field would have required a long time of getting my language skills up to speed and figuring out how to move through the system and convince someone to hire me.

and as for nova scotia, the place just never felt like home. unlike france, the province itself never felt like it offered me a chance to discover a new, enriched version of myself. and maybe its not fair to say that we didnt discover new things about ourselves (hello, parenthood!) or maybe the timing of major life events happening in nova scotia ruined some of the ability for us to make the place our own, but im not sure. i didnt feel like i found support or a way to fit in and be a part of the community we lived in. i felt like i was alone and the city, the province, the way of life was just not soaking in, enticing me, or leaving me feeling changed. the people were all as kind as can be and some of the places we went to were just amazing. i have some good memories but nothing that calls to me, begs me to come back and re-entrench myself. i certainly want to visit and explore places we didnt get to or spend more time in places we enjoyed and left too soon, but its not anchored to my being.

and while its too soon to say that weve anchored our bodies and lives in this fin[e]-land, for me, its safe to say that if we left right now it would always tug at my heart strings and i would find myself daydreaming about it. i love the city, such a great balance of modernity and metropolitan liveliness with opportunities for quiet solitude and immersion in natural beauty. im loving the people with their quiet way of being respectful toward everyone and devoted to children and working hard and not being loud and in your face and judgemental. im appreciating the lessons that nature teaches you here: every day things are changing, moving forward, but theres a cycle and a rhythm and nothing is really gone. if you are willing to be patient, a day like this will come again. it also encourages you to find the balance of reminiscing about days gone by and hoping for happy times to come with learning to stop and appreciate what is now. these are all things that have started to soak in here and have changed me again. and of course there is also a bit of idealism, purposely forgetting some of the less desirable aspects of life here, but dwelling on them certainly doesnt do any good. there is no perfect place on earth. everyone weighs positives and negatives and makes decisions about what the best choice is, under the circumstances. for now, im excited to see where life here takes use, im glad we arent needing to leave, like we were in france, and im glad we arent itching to leave and get on with a future vision of our life, like we were in halifax. for now this feels right, and im so glad about that.

4 comments:

Mary Ann said...

This is one of your very best entries, Alyce. Maybe because I want nothing, nothing more for you and your family than to be happy. And Finland seems to hold so many opportunities to grow on any number of levels. I'm smiling. I'm so glad that you wrote this.

Mom said...

Even though it means less time to see all of you, I am glad that you have found the perfect place for you and Dave and Dexter. What a great place for her to grow up!!

Aleksandra said...

Hi Alyce, this is indees a beautiful post and I've read it I guess right on time :) I feel recently a bit puzzled about my staying here and I'm scattered constantly by questions: what to do next, what to plan and how to plan anything for my future, job, house etc. etc. but your post makes me feel better. thanks!

a happy little life said...

it's so nice to read how you have settled in!