07 February 2012

Disease of the decade

dave got sick. like life-comes-to-a-screeching-halt sick. this happens approximately once a decade. thus, i gained a (temporary) second child to take care of for a week or so.

the breakdown
sunday: fatigue, headache, and general foreboding set in. i happily took over X duties thinking this would be a quick thing. wrong.

monday brought a crippling fatigue, backache, and a monster stuffy throbbing head. dave was incapacitated to the point of hardly leaving the bed all day. any fluid he tried to ingest (no food was even thought about) made him nauseous. it was a single parenting day for me. no break whatsoever. dave kept to himself mostly though, so while he wasnt a good patient, per se, he also wasnt a horrible one.

tuesday was another crap fest for dave. the headache had worn off but serious fatigue was still very much on the scene. by mid-afternoon dave thought he could attempt the rest of the day in a vertical position. this was good, now the mucus could start its exodus. by now i was getting a bit stressed about the full-day monitoring of X needs, the added dinner prep, and other house chores. toward the end of the day, the image of a pack of cigarettes flashed through my brain.

wednesday brought coughing and an over-abundant use of tissues. by now dave was ragingly pissed off that his body hadnt fought this shit off yet (translation: i had a happy camper on my hands...) and i had plastered a "just keep swimming" bumper sticker over as much of the color red i was seeing in my brain as possible. the idea of the pack of cigarettes was now taunting me, consuming more and more space in my brain...

thursday: dave still didnt get out of his pajamas and was coughing and blowing his nose like a madman. the day pushed on for me and i tried not to get hysterical in the part of my brain that prides itself on getting my work (like work-work, paid work...of which i was able to do none of) done in a timely fashion. thankfully my boss is very patient, and i knew i would eventually catch up. also at this point, the lack of sleep (X decided to start a wonder week [staying up late, waking up early] AND she had a night of crying and writhing around about something that bothered her stomach), the lack of local help, the frigid depression-inducing winter (i think i made it further this year, compared to last year, before these thoughts arrived though), Xs stuck-to-mom-like-glue behavior, and my threadbare patience were making me a bit crazed. i wanted a cigarette and an alcohol buzz. hell, lets just call it an urge to run away from my responsibilities and be a dumb ass. i didnt want to think about being a soldier, a leader, or anything else that involves staying strong, making hard decisions, and motivating yourself and others despite the grim situations being faced.

friday: more coughing, coughing, coughing and fatigue. dave FINALLY consents to letting me go look for alka seltzer cold & flu. alas, they do not carry alka seltzer in canada. i buy this crap called neocitran, a warm syrupy medicinal tea concoction that made me gag just smelling it. at least tonight he was able to watch X (and she was FINALLY done with her wonder week stuff) while i did work after dinner.

saturday thru monday still involved coughing and nose blowing but energy levels were vastly improved and dave was basically at near functional capacity. hooray! (*coughing continued for another several days beyond this!)

yes, i realize this is a very, very minor thing to deal with compared to other global hardships. in hindsight, i can berate myself for feeling like a petulant child, but it doesnt make my feelings go away during the stress. i just wanted a break!

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