got an email that smacked me into reality.
our local pregnant friend couple, emily and craig, are parents! she sent an email to our group that said "it's a boy" and my eyes glazed over for a second trying to understand what that meant. then i tried to ignore it and not click on it. finally i went back to it and opened it...
they welcomed their son rowan 5.5 weeks early on march 27. he was actually a healthy 6.5 pounds. he did have jaundice, so he has to stay in the hospital for about a week. but she is done. done with her pregnancy!
(craig, rowan, and emily. congrats!)
i cant even begin to tell you what the flood gates to my mind were holding back because it all exploded out in one big bang! first i was jealous that she was done being pregnant. then i was shocked, another boy in our group! (she had been waiting until the birth to find out the babys sex. this puts our prenatal group at 8 boys, 4 girls, and 1 monster mystery. give or take [because some people havent come back to the group in a long time so its tricky to count the group size definitively]). and then of course i was excited. another baby in the group! then, the "other stuff" came in...
holy crap, her due date was may 5. may 5! its real that monster will be coming SOON! we're not quite ready. we dont have the crib here yet, i dont have diapers here yet, i havent washed monsters clothes yet, i havent wrapped up the crap on my pre-monster to do list. then daves freak out list surfaced...i have to put the car seat in! and, "i thought monster would have a friend born super close in age to him/her"...basically for the rest of the night we kept looking at each other and going...wow, i cant believe they have their kid. wow. wow.
and as bedtime drew nearer, i realized i was way amped up. i had now graduated on to the more long term worrying. so weird. since france ive been basically dealing with so many acute, in-front-of-my-face issues that i had been able to put most of my typical worry patterns to rest. i thought i had gotten much better with rolling with the punches and adapting on-the-fly. most things that were formerly stressful have recently tended toward "meh, i'll do it tomorrow" or "meh, its clean enough" or "meh, thats just not major enough to waste energy worrying about." it had been fairly liberating. and i was proud of myself. until this. turns out my regular brain was still attached, i had just found a way to compartmentalize out the worrywort. but, as i say, the levee totally malfunctioned tonight. i didnt get any sleep because my mind was racing.
i assume soon i will be able to reset the brain and get some perspective. plus, once the crib arrives, and we have a weekend to finish the important things on my list, then i will be ready and waiting and antsy.