15 weeks and a doctor appointment today.
(creepy. this is first and probably last skin picture you will see. future bellies will be covered in cloth. since there are a few remnants of my regular body still visible here, i wasnt as frightened to post this. also, for reference, i am "sucking in" due to the fact that with my added air bloat, i appear to be 6+ months pregnant. also, the boobs arent looking that snazzy here, bummer for me and bummer for you. i will try to find some kind of slutty top for a future post.)
doctor appt update:
gained another 4 pounds. pee and blood pressure are normal. baby heartbeat was about 142 bpm. another blood test in a couple weeks. another doctor appt in 4 weeks. ultrasound (which is separate) in a little more than 4 weeks. movin right along.
1. emotional stability. well, actually i really havent been messed up in that category...seriously, ask dave! there was a 1-1.5 week period back in september where i was upset a lot because of the symptoms i was having, and on top of that, i was feeling unnecessarily weepy about daves kindness. he would make me some bland food item id requested and when it was delivered, i found i was choking on tears to tell him thank you. or after breaking down about the nausea, i would break down again to thank him for sitting with me and being patient and acting non-frightened. but, since those wacky few days, i havent had any other "episodes." does that mean i was already a highly functioning crazy person and ive hit my ceiling?
2. sleep. well, i think i actually waved goodbye to restorative sleep when we got kicked out of our shoreview apartment in ann arbor, so ive been working with less for some time now. i generally only get up once to eat at night now so that is helping, but i also have pretty restless legs lately so its been a problem to get to sleep. once again, thank goodness i have a part-time job so i can just lay in bed in the mornings. i would say that the sleep issues are clearly good prep for the future, however, my ability to be lazy in the mornings will definitely be kicked to the curb, not to be seen again until my nest is empty...or, teenagers sleep a lot right? theyre rotten to deal with but maybe that is the one positive about that phase of life. right, looking forward to teenagers then.
3. baby dreams. first, i refer you to #2, lack of sleep generally prohibits dreaming. i have had a few sparse dreams, but nothing tangibly "baby" since the first day i took the pregnancy test. that blissful night before all of...this, i was able to have the most insane dream involving my side and daves side of our families and our two kids. a boy and girl. lucky me, their names were mentioned (and spelled) in the dream. are you ready for this? the girl, who was older, was named Audry Kyd and the younger boy was named Kenite Egype (pronounced Ken-it). where in the hell i came up with this crap is beyond me! and NO, these names are nowhere near the list of names i would consider naming my child (although, kenite looks more intriguing each time i read it...). thankfully, for my sanity, i havent had any other dreams. i'll be sure to report if i do though. perhaps once the ultrasound happens or i can feel movement, my brain will be satisfied that it has to take this current life state seriously and will start concocting further craziness.
4. food issues. mostly gone away now, same with the nausea and heartburn. i still dont really wanna be involved with pepper or beef but nothing else really seems gross to me. and also, i really dont have any cravings. i have shown a preference for soup/chili, but i dont think it would be considered a craving. its cold out and i want some soup dammit!
5. belly button. ive always had a deep "innie" belly button. in recent days however, ive seen it start to make its journey to the surface. so weird.
6. heart pounding. a little strange, my heart hasnt been racing, but occasionally, while im resting, i can seriously feel the pound-pound-pound of my heart against my ribcage. my pulse is low/normal while this happens so its not like my heart is running like a rabbit, its just weird to feel it that strongly.
7. lastly, occasionally i have a dull/achy, sore muscle-type pain in my lower abdomen/pelvis area. this is due to muscles and ligaments under and around the uterus stretching out and getting ready to hold lots of weight and eventually pushing the source of said weight out. sweeeeeet.
1. dave. support person extraordinaire, always on-call chef, and engaged, involved, and interested partner. aka, im freakin lucky! i could ramble on for days and probably succeed in making everyone puke, but in the end, the bottom line is that he is indispensable. i couldnt and wouldnt do this without him. i wish that every pregnant woman could have a "dave" figure available in their life, in whatever form. thank you and i love you!
2. related to a support person...i occasionally find myself wondering how the hell teenagers survive pregnancy. i assume most have little support, since friends would be useless and parents and/or community members are likely to be less than sympathetic. they barely have time to get the hang of puberty and they are asking their bodies to make a baby? i cant imagine how that must completely and totally flip their lives. and the ones who have the sense of mind at the end of all the madness to give the baby up for adoption? they should all get medals and at least $1000 to get their lives back on track...hmm, something to do in the future.
3. another preponderance. how do pregnant woman hold their regular jobs (more specifically, full-time jobs)? seriously the nausea, fatigue, general discomfort, and occasional fear would be enough to make stapling pieces of paper together a difficult task. i suppose you just grit your teeth and get through whatever your situation, but it cant be easy. and those who have to deal with added things like hiding their belly while trying to get a raise/promotion, or have to travel a lot, or deal with regular, high amounts of stress. holy crap. my head just exploded. i applaud you ladies!
4. grievance. why the hell is there so much environmental (air quality) pollution? it regularly pisses me off that walking past the hospital i have to inhale all the cigarette smoke from the delinquent workers and patients hooked to IVs who are puffing away. at UM, at least there seemed to be a certain yardage away from the building you had to be...here, it seems to simply be: building, grass, sidewalk, gravel track, road. the gravel track is the smoker pit. awesome. thanks.
also, it boggles my mind the amount of fumes that trucks, buses, old cars, motorcycles, scooters, and other fuel powered vehicles belch out. i cant hold my breath for the 10-15 minute walk to work everyday, but i often wish i could. gross. i dont think the heightened sense of smell helps either. and construction workers sawing the sides of buildings or road crews unearthing old pipe systems...ew, what ancient particulates am i inhaling?
5. new clothes. havent really gotten much, but i got a new pair of yoga pants and two tops from H&M. both are sweaters with lots of flowy tummy room. hopefully i can stretch them to the end and only require a few more things (target...here i come!).
6. elephant in the room: fitting an infant into our apartment. actually, shockingly, we have thought about this. we have a one bedroom apartment and our lease here is up july 31. the kid would be like 3 months old. all they will have managed to accomplish is eating, peeing, pooping, sleeping, and perhaps putting their fist in their mouth. im not worried about childproofing this place since no one will be at the walking or even crawling stage. a crib, a collapsible stroller, an area for clothes and diapers and accessories, and other small-ish baby paraphernalia should all fit just fine in here for the length of time it needs to. and who knows, maybe our management wont charge us to move to a two bedroom earlier than july 31. take that as it comes.
along the way, weve had a least a few examples/models of families getting by just fine living like we do. in fact, the kids seem very happy and well-adjusted and seem to have a good, early sense for the things that are important in life and those things that are just "extra." and one day, the plan is to be semi-normal people living in a comfortable dwelling with jobs that keep us in one place for a lengthy period of time.
7. celebrities. at one point it looked like celine dions IVF "took" and she would have May babies, but alas, the procedure didnt work. however, it now looks like tiffani thiessen (aka, "saved by the bell" kelly kapowski) is having a May baby. woo woo. anyone else a little cooler maybe...that would be fun...
1. "mayo clinic guide to healthy pregnancy"
great for information, tone, layout/organization. felt thorough, up-to-date, and logical. although some sections can be a little scary to read in detail (c-section part), it gives the facts and statistics to reassure you that "this complication is rare", or "that symptom is common and very treatable." the tone is never alarmist or too casual. if you want to be told that you are a "magical mommie" and your body is a precious vessel for life, youll have to find another book, this one only gives facts, detail, and confidence through the power of knowledge.
2. "BIRTH: the surprising history of how we are born" by Tina Cassidy
this should be read by all women, even if you dont want a kid right now, or maybe even ever. feminists and feminist sympathizers, history buffs, and skeptics of the medical system would also enjoy. aside from her first intro chapter about why she wrote the book (which includes the three generations of moderately frightening birthing stories from her familys women), the rest is not meant to scare or freak you out. its informative and fascinating and at times really infuriated me that evolution, women, and midwives had a decent, supportive thing going before men saw an outlet to make money and convinced the world that midwives and women were dumb. thus proceeding to inundate the birthing process with a high rate of unnecessary, often deadly/damaging procedures and interference. makes you more knowledgeable about the "fads" we take to be regular and routine, and made me wonder what will be found to be unnecessary or harmful in 10, 50, 100 years. interesting.