04 June 2009

Dear mr feral cat...im coming for your balls

everyones favorite nether-region totally kicked my ass today.

starting at around 1am(?) our courtyard feral cat (okay fine, shes a female in heat, but it sounded better for the title to pretend it was a male) started wailing like a man with a shattered leg. moaning and squealing for hours, seemingly without taking a breath. then she morphed into a frightened child and was crying, crying, crying. then she became a woman screaming while giving birth. this was followed by some horrid guttural throat sounds before rounding out the program sounding like someone furiously trying to grunt and push out the worlds biggest turd. lather, rinse, repeat...for 24 hours!

seriously, she may have taken a brief nap between like 2-4pm before the raging hormones woke her up to prowl around once more. hey lady, no one is gonna wanna come near you if you sound like that. it was doubly sucky for me that i was home all day to hear every single sound. kill me now!

no really, if you had killed me, i wouldnt have had the embarrassment i had later that evening. went to la chapelle to teach my adult beginner class. we started body part vocabulary...are you seeing where this is going? we finish all the important, regular, useful words and start to play "simon says." then my group got distracted and started asking, what do you call "this" (the thigh) and "that" (the calf?) and "this, for females?" (chest, no really chest can be for males or females...um...okay, fine...breasts!).

then 2-3 of the women simultaneously point to the crotch on the paper outline of the man we'd been working on saying "le sex, le sex?" dear god, my face turns red. i say "the verb for sex?" no, no, LE SEX! "um, the name for those body parts?" yes! "um, do you mean the name, in general? (and im thinking: reproductive organs or sex glands)" and they start laughing saying...um, i dont know about you english speakers, but male parts and female parts have very different names...so, with my face bright magenta, my head hung low, contemplating running out the door, i scrawl "the penis" and "the vagina" on the board. and as they all sigh and say "ah, c'est le même en français (its the same in french)," i mentally decide im not going to pronounce those words out loud for them. please let me leave with a scrape of pride.

i round out the topic by saying "when i go home and tell my husband what you guys have been making me say..." to which i receive laughter. theyre a nice enough group, but discussing/teaching uncomfortable topics with strangers who are much older than me...weird combination of unpleasant...

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